"Twas the Night Before the Parodies": Halosmas

     It's that time of year again! Every year for the past three years I've made a parody of "'Twas the Night Before Christmas". It's become a sort of tradition for me: one, to have something as an annual tradition and two, to continue to practice my writing and vocabulary skills. Sometimes it's a lot harder than I anticipate (as is seems to be this year). But, I shall persevere.

     In the meantime, I've decided to post the ones I've done over the past few years over the course of the next few weeks (one a week, I suppose). In 2008, the first year I really put an effort into it, I wrote an epic tale of Christmas on the front lines. Only these "front lines" were a little over five hundred years in the future, and on a planet far away...

‘Twas the night before Christmas

And all through the front

Not a creature was stirring

Well maybe a Grunt.

We Covenant warriors

Were lying in wait

Imagining victory

Over the humans we hate

When out on the field

There arose such a clatter

I peeked up from my trench

To see what was the matter

A lone Warthog

Burst out of the trees

And we who were standing

Dropped to our knees

This Warthog was different

Or so did it seem

Instead of a turret

It was packing a tree

On this strange tree

Hung all manner of lights

Their colors were many

And burned ever so bright

A noise they were making

A song I could hear

And then did I see him

The reason they cheered

Up from the snow

This one did appear

The lesser troops trembled

He was one to be feared

His armor was green

And his visor was gold

Behind it, his eyes

And a stare that was cold

In his hands was a weapon

That was too primitive to care

But in the hands of this human

All did beware

For it wasn’t the weapon

That made us feel fear

It was the human who held it

The Demon was here

All who had fought him

Were slaughtered like cattle

Not even the Hunters

Could best him in battle

We in the trench

Begged the Forerunners for aid

Preparing for doom

That surely came our way

And with a loud roar

He leapt into the sky

Yelling, “Merry Christmas to all,

Now you’re all gonna die!”

What? No presents?

     So ends "'Twas the Night Before Halo". I thank Bungie for giving us an awesome series of games, and for allowing me to open my mind and write fan fiction like this. Next up, the "front lines" get closer to home as I fight the fat man in red in my very own living room...

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