What is this... Violence and Video Games?

     Violence? Video games? Surely those two aren't connected... are they? Short answer: NO. Long answer: maybe. Allow me to explain...

     To start off, we're going to derail the train before it even gets out of the station. What a great way to start, right? Before we get to the problem everyone blames, we need to look at the problems everyone tends to forget...

How Do We Define A Violent Video Game?

     With the Sandy Hook shooting on everyone's minds recently, I feel the need to bring up an old argument and drive it home again. However, before I go on a rant about violence in video games, I want to throw a related issue out there. There is no doubt that there are countless violent video games out on the market, but there's only one problem: what is a violent video game? How do we define what a violent video game is? "Well, it's a game with violence in it, of course." Yes, but where do we draw the line? Consider, for instance, The Legend of Zelda. The player assumes the identity of Link, a young boy who gallivants around the land of Hyrule slicing away at enemies with his sword in order to defeat the evil Ganondorf and save Princess Zelda. Is that not violence? "But he's trying to save the Princess!" But it's still violence, is it not? Again, I ask: where do we draw the line?

I'm going to carve your heart out of your chest and consume it... What? That's exactly what happens!

Guest Post: "8 Bits For How Much?"

     A fellow gamer, and personal friend of mine, sent me a rant he wrote and asked if I'd post it. "Why, of course I will!" So, without further ado, Goongala's Grumbles first "guest post"...

     2013 is here and, unfortunately, the idea of buying new games scares me. Although I can confidently say I spent some money last year with no regrets on titles such as Guild Wars 2 and Halo 4, I find myself disappointed with other full priced purchases such as Gears of War 3, Assassin’s Creed 3, Black Op’s 2, and Mass Effect 3. Generally, I don’t mind paying top dollar for a fun game at it’s launch rather than waiting half a year for it to go down a few bucks, but when the brand name games fail you, it makes you rethink your spending habits. Recently, I got my first Super Nintendo (SNES) and a few games I always loved, but never owned, for cheap, and thought to myself, “Ah ha! This year I’ll buy retro instead!” Excitedly, I went to online shops and eBay. It was there that the horror began…

What are these... Resolutions?

     So! It's the beginning of the year again, and you know what that means... "I will get in shape and go outside for long walks and-" WHOA THERE! I try to make reasonable resolutions. I'm in shape... round is a shape. And going outside? HA! Do you know how pasty white I am? The sun would roast me alive!

     Instead, my resolutions will be mostly simple. Hopefully I don't fail like last year...

Reflections of 2012... I AM DISAPPOINT.

     So, the year has past, and as I sit here behind my computer, I find myself depressed. To be honest, 2012 wasn't all that great a year for me. Sure, there were good things, but they were constantly overshadowed by the bad. Here's what I mean...

"Twas the Night Before the Parodies": Wintersday

     And so, as is tradition, I've written yet another parody of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas. We've been to a Halo and to the wilds of Skyrim; as well as my living room on more than one occasion. This year, however, we travel to another faraway land known as Tyria, the location of this year's greatest release: Guild Wars 2.

     Christmas in the Guild Wars universe is known as Wintersday, and is a festivity unrivaled in all the lands of Tyria. Despite it's name, Wintersday is not just one day; it's a festival spanning several weeks. This festival started yesterday, December 14th, so I decided to post my parody a few days early. Join me as we go to a homestead in the wilds of the Wayfarer Foothills, to hear an old Norn tale of a large Norn in a red coat who gives presents to children who leave him flagons of ale...

'Twas the night before Wintersday, when all through the hall,

Not a creature was stirring, not even a Grawl.

A dozen flagons of ale were stacked by the chimney with care,

In hopes that Old Nik Whitebeard soon would be there.

The Glorious PC Gaming Master Race...

     So, it all started when I posted this picture on Facebook:

I absolutely love it by the way...

     A few hours later, I found myself deep in the dirt and grime of a fierce flame war...

Retro Grumbles: The Airman Challenge

'Assassin's Creed III' Review: I am (More) Disappoint

     Like thousands of other gamers at a thousand other Gamestops, I picked up Assassin's Creed III on Monday at midnight. I was so psyched for this game. For years I poured over the lore and speculated as to what was to come. I crafted a costume to wear to the midnight release. I was ready to see how the story ends... *sigh*. Brace yourselves, Assassin's Creed fanboys, this blog is about to live up to its name... (MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD)

The Star Wars Debacle

     As of today, Lucasfilm is owned by Disney. I truly don't know what to make of that. On the one hand, Star Wars is out of George's hands, which means we may get a break from all the terrible things he has continued to do to the original trilogy. On the other hand, what's to stop Disney from making those same mistakes? And they're planning to make 7, 8, and 9? With who? Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, and Harrison Ford are ancient! Are they planning to re-cast their characters with younger actors?

Logic can't repel fanboyism of that magnitude!

     I don't know what to make of this. Disneyworld may very well be burned down by hordes of angry fans if things go bad... and I would probably be one of them. Just look at what you've done, George. I hope you're ashamed of yourself...