"Twas the Night Before the Parodies": Wintersday

     And so, as is tradition, I've written yet another parody of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas. We've been to a Halo and to the wilds of Skyrim; as well as my living room on more than one occasion. This year, however, we travel to another faraway land known as Tyria, the location of this year's greatest release: Guild Wars 2.

     Christmas in the Guild Wars universe is known as Wintersday, and is a festivity unrivaled in all the lands of Tyria. Despite it's name, Wintersday is not just one day; it's a festival spanning several weeks. This festival started yesterday, December 14th, so I decided to post my parody a few days early. Join me as we go to a homestead in the wilds of the Wayfarer Foothills, to hear an old Norn tale of a large Norn in a red coat who gives presents to children who leave him flagons of ale...

'Twas the night before Wintersday, when all through the hall,

Not a creature was stirring, not even a Grawl.

A dozen flagons of ale were stacked by the chimney with care,

In hopes that Old Nik Whitebeard soon would be there.

"Twas the Night Before the Parodies": Skyrimsmas

     Huzzah! It's finished! I had several ideas for this year's parody of the classic, "'Twas the Night Before Christmas", but I had to settle on one. I chose the one that I feel makes the most sense this year (you'll see what I mean). This year, like the first year I started this tradition, I present a story from one of the year's greatest video games. I think it's pretty obvious which one it is...

      Skyrim of course! Be ye warned: there are a few spoilers (yes, spoilers) in my story; in particular, a spoiler pertaining to one of the shouts you obtain once the main quest is complete. You have been warned! Otherwise, enjoy...

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
Not a sound could be heard, save the roar of my shouts.
The rest of the family, were all snug in their beds,
While I was slaying dragons in the land of Skyrim.

"Twas the Night Before the Parodies": Memesmas

     I just want to say one thing: computer viruses are a real pain. I have an intense fight on my hands with this one, but I have things I want to do and I'm not going to let it stop me. By now you know the drill: here's a parody from the past...

      The time has come yet again for a glorious spoof of the wonderful "'Twas the Night Before Christmas". In 2008, the tale was in a far off battlefield, narrating one of many epic battles between the Master Chief and his alien foes. Last year, the battle hit home as yours truly did battle with the Fat Man. This year, the tale takes a less violent route. This year, the tale looks into the wide world of "memes". What is a "meme", you might ask? Go Google it. ON TO THE STORY!

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all were in bed
Except for myself, busy surfing the Web
The stockings were hung anywhere there was space
Due to the unfortunate lack of a real fireplace

"Twas the Night Before the Parodies": Battlesmas

     Whew! What a week... So, I missed posting one of these last Thursday due to a virus coursing through my computron. After several days of "virus eradication duty", I have finally (hopefully) destroyed the infernal infection. So, here's another "Twas the Night Before Christmas" parody. As before, I'm posting it unaltered from the one I posted on Facebook a few years ago. So now enjoy, 'Twas the Night Before Apocalypse".

     Yet another year has passed. Indeed, the time has come for yet another thrilling parody of the classic story: "'Twas the Night Before Christmas." Last year, the tale was in a far off battlefield, narrating one of many epic battles between the Master Chief and his alien foes. This year, however, the tale hits the home front, bringing the battle directly into your own living room. Some of you may gasp in horror at the grisly details of my tale; therefore, ye be warned, this story is not for the faint of heart. Some of you may think that I have too much time on my hands...and you would be right. And still some of you may read this and consider it brainless...to that I say, "Nobody asked you for your opinion!" Alas, I digress. So now, for a tale, a year in the making:
   

    'Twas the night before Christmas
    And thus was my plan
    To keep vigil throughout the night
    And wait for the "Fat Man"    

"Twas the Night Before the Parodies": Halosmas

     It's that time of year again! Every year for the past three years I've made a parody of "'Twas the Night Before Christmas". It's become a sort of tradition for me: one, to have something as an annual tradition and two, to continue to practice my writing and vocabulary skills. Sometimes it's a lot harder than I anticipate (as is seems to be this year). But, I shall persevere.

     In the meantime, I've decided to post the ones I've done over the past few years over the course of the next few weeks (one a week, I suppose). In 2008, the first year I really put an effort into it, I wrote an epic tale of Christmas on the front lines. Only these "front lines" were a little over five hundred years in the future, and on a planet far away...

‘Twas the night before Christmas

And all through the front

Not a creature was stirring

Well maybe a Grunt.