The time has come yet again for a glorious spoof of the wonderful "'Twas the Night Before Christmas". In 2008, the tale was in a far off battlefield, narrating one of many epic battles between the Master Chief and his alien foes. Last year, the battle hit home as yours truly did battle with the Fat Man. This year, the tale takes a less violent route. This year, the tale looks into the wide world of "memes". What is a "meme", you might ask? Go Google it. ON TO THE STORY!
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all were in bed
Except for myself, busy surfing the Web
The stockings were hung anywhere there was space
Due to the unfortunate lack of a real fireplace
While all of the rest were all snug in their rooms
I was busy ROFLing, watching the Youtubes
Sitting at my desk, the monitor shining so bright
So many videos; it was to be a long night
When in the next room there arose such a clatter
I leaned back in my chair to see what was the matter
When what to my wandering eyes should I see
A fat man in red, crouched by our tree
I rose from my chair, like a ninja in the night
And opened a closet which was off to the right
A flashlight and taser the closet had inside
I snuck up on the man, 'till I was directly behind
I zapped the poor fool, and turned on the light
He yelled, "Don't taze me, bro!", as he trembled in fright
With a cough and a sputter, he fell to the ground
It was actually quite humorous to watch him flailing around
Straining to speak, he said, "I beg of you, don't!"
"Stop this craziness, before I is PWNT!"
His grammar was broken, entirely terrible
A voice like Microsoft Sam, it was almost unbearable
I released the trigger, and he jumped to his feet
"Hold on," he said, "this I must Tweet!"
He pulled out his phone, and started to type
"Got tazed again guys! That's teh 12th one 2night!"
I stared on in wonder, and once he was through
I said, "Imma let you finish, but... who are you?"
"I is Saint Nick", he said, without missing a beat
As he reached for his bag, which lay at his feet
"I gives you teh gifts, as long as you're good.
Now stand back and watch, like a good newbie would."
With a chorus of Trololo, he opened his bag
And filled up our stockings 'till they started to sag
Gadgets and gizmos, he filled them all whole
Except for the one which he filled up with coal
"This child liked Twilight," he said with a scowl
"That otta teach em'." and he spun back around
He made his way to the tree, dropped his bag to the floor
Saying, "That's all for teh stockings. But, wait! There is more!"
With both of his hands, he reached into the sack
He pulled box after box, and placed all in a stack
"I heard you leik Mudkips", he said with a smile
As he added a plush toy to the top of the pile
I stared in amazement, they would never have fit
This bag of his seemed like bottomless pit
He wrapped up his bag, and then started to eat
The milk and the cookies, saying, "LOLOLOL! Sweets!"
"Om nom nom nom," he said as he scarfed them all down
And when they were gone, he started to frown
"Sad Face," he said as he made for the door
"But maybe teh neighbors might have some moar!"
On his way out the door, he turned in the frame
"Merry Christmas to all, you all lost the game!"
Except for myself, busy surfing the Web
The stockings were hung anywhere there was space
Due to the unfortunate lack of a real fireplace
While all of the rest were all snug in their rooms
I was busy ROFLing, watching the Youtubes
Sitting at my desk, the monitor shining so bright
So many videos; it was to be a long night
When in the next room there arose such a clatter
I leaned back in my chair to see what was the matter
When what to my wandering eyes should I see
A fat man in red, crouched by our tree
I rose from my chair, like a ninja in the night
And opened a closet which was off to the right
A flashlight and taser the closet had inside
I snuck up on the man, 'till I was directly behind
I zapped the poor fool, and turned on the light
He yelled, "Don't taze me, bro!", as he trembled in fright
With a cough and a sputter, he fell to the ground
It was actually quite humorous to watch him flailing around
Straining to speak, he said, "I beg of you, don't!"
"Stop this craziness, before I is PWNT!"
His grammar was broken, entirely terrible
A voice like Microsoft Sam, it was almost unbearable
I released the trigger, and he jumped to his feet
"Hold on," he said, "this I must Tweet!"
He pulled out his phone, and started to type
"Got tazed again guys! That's teh 12th one 2night!"
I stared on in wonder, and once he was through
I said, "Imma let you finish, but... who are you?"
"I is Saint Nick", he said, without missing a beat
As he reached for his bag, which lay at his feet
"I gives you teh gifts, as long as you're good.
Now stand back and watch, like a good newbie would."
With a chorus of Trololo, he opened his bag
And filled up our stockings 'till they started to sag
Gadgets and gizmos, he filled them all whole
Except for the one which he filled up with coal
"This child liked Twilight," he said with a scowl
"That otta teach em'." and he spun back around
He made his way to the tree, dropped his bag to the floor
Saying, "That's all for teh stockings. But, wait! There is more!"
With both of his hands, he reached into the sack
He pulled box after box, and placed all in a stack
"I heard you leik Mudkips", he said with a smile
As he added a plush toy to the top of the pile
I stared in amazement, they would never have fit
This bag of his seemed like bottomless pit
He wrapped up his bag, and then started to eat
The milk and the cookies, saying, "LOLOLOL! Sweets!"
"Om nom nom nom," he said as he scarfed them all down
And when they were gone, he started to frown
"Sad Face," he said as he made for the door
"But maybe teh neighbors might have some moar!"
On his way out the door, he turned in the frame
"Merry Christmas to all, you all lost the game!"
Next up will be this year's version! Although I may end up posting it a bit later than anticipated. Got to get rid of this virus first...
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