Skyrim of course! Be ye warned: there are a few spoilers (yes, spoilers) in my story; in particular, a spoiler pertaining to one of the shouts you obtain once the main quest is complete. You have been warned! Otherwise, enjoy...
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
Not a sound could be heard, save the roar of my shouts.
The rest of the family, were all snug in their beds,
While I was slaying dragons in the land of Skyrim.
Not a sound could be heard, save the roar of my shouts.
The rest of the family, were all snug in their beds,
While I was slaying dragons in the land of Skyrim.
I climbed every mountain, and wandered the plains,
In every city the townsfolk whispered my name.
"The Dragonborn," they uttered, some in awe some in fear,
All eyes did follow, whenever I drew near.
From Solitude to Riften, Dawnstar to Whiterun,
I'd been playing for hours and was having all sorts of fun.
I'd fought draugrs, falmer, and all manner of beasts,
I visited numerous castles, and enjoyed many great feasts.
To the plains outside Whiterun, I had wandered one night,
And to my amazement, I saw quite a sight.
I encountered a glitch, or perhaps it was a feature,
In all of my travels I'd never encountered such a creature.
He wasn't a Breton or Khajiit, Dunmer or Nord,
He wore neither helmet nor armor, and carried no sword.
As I drew near to the man, I pulled out my bow,
Whether he was hostile or not, I couldn't have known.
He wore a large red coat, and a matching fur hat,
He waddled when he walked, for he was also quite fat.
His clothes were quite dirty, covered in ashes and soot,
His entire body was covered, from his head to his foot.
In a flash he turned 'round, and beelined for me,
Fearing for my life, I gave him an arrow to the knee.
He fell to the ground, grabbing at the wound,
"Stay thy hand," he said, "Please, I beg you!"
Cautiously I approached him, and gave him a Potion of Healing,
"Blech!" he said as he drank it, "The taste is not at all appealing!"
He rose to his feet once the wound had been healed,
"Please," he said, "let me tell you of my ordeal!"
"I have come to this land at the most inopportune time,
For this land seems terribly troubled, and now so am I!
There's a rebellion underway, and dragons soar in the skies,
Both the dragons and guards attack anything that flies!"
He pointed behind him, to a nearby hill,
Upon it were the corpses of reindeer, all freshly killed
"I started with nine reindeer when I took off from home,
Now there's nothing left but a pile of scorched bones."
"The guards took shots at me when I drew near the town,
Then the dragons swooped in and ran me into the ground.
They set fire to my reindeer before they could flee,
Then gobbled them up and picked their bones clean."
"I ask for your help," he said, "I must be off on my way,
If I don't continue my work, many children will be dismayed.
I have a sleigh full of toys, and must deliver them all tonight,
I have other lands to go to, and must be done by first light!"
I stood there bemused by the account of his plight,
As both he and his sleigh were a most interesting sight.
"I have an idea," I told him, "Although you might not approve,
Only one creature can help you, and it has neither antlers nor hooves."
He looked at me bewildered, then he figured it out,
His cries of disagreement were drowned out by my shout.
For a moment there was silence, nothing to see or to hear,
Then a roar could be heard as Odahviing drew near.
The fat man dropped to the ground as the dragon circled overhead,
"Are you mad!" he exclaimed, "Now we're as good as dead!"
But the dragon was not hostile, and soared down to the surface,
"I have answered your summons," he said. "How can I be of service?"
"This man needs our help," I said, as the man cautiously stood,
"Well, y-yes," He stammered, "I r-require y-your assistance, if you w-would..."
Odahviing stared intently at the man, who in turn stared straight at the ground,
"I w-would most a-appreciate it," he stuttered, "If y-you'd help me m-make my rounds."
Odahviing laughed vigorously, giving the man quite a start,
"If this is your wish, Dovahkiin," he said, "then I'll do my part!"
"You need not fear this dragon," I said to the man, "He'll bring you no harm.
He'll pull your sleigh tonight, taking you to every city, every town, every farm."
The man sighed with relief, and gave the dragon a bow,
"You have my thanks, adventurer," he said, "Now I can finish my rounds!"
He placed a harness on the dragon, and hopped into the sleigh,
And with a flap of Odahviing's wings they were well on their way.
I paused the game, and laughed at my screen,
Could that have actually happened, or was it only a dream?
I searched through the forums, the wiki, the guide,
Was it at all possible that I was out of my mind?
Un-pausing, I watched as they flew into the night,
The sleigh's outline silhouetted by the full moon's light.
Then the man turned in his seat, and shouted with a grin,
"A very Merry Christmas to all in the land of Skyrim!"
In every city the townsfolk whispered my name.
"The Dragonborn," they uttered, some in awe some in fear,
All eyes did follow, whenever I drew near.
From Solitude to Riften, Dawnstar to Whiterun,
I'd been playing for hours and was having all sorts of fun.
I'd fought draugrs, falmer, and all manner of beasts,
I visited numerous castles, and enjoyed many great feasts.
To the plains outside Whiterun, I had wandered one night,
And to my amazement, I saw quite a sight.
I encountered a glitch, or perhaps it was a feature,
In all of my travels I'd never encountered such a creature.
He wasn't a Breton or Khajiit, Dunmer or Nord,
He wore neither helmet nor armor, and carried no sword.
As I drew near to the man, I pulled out my bow,
Whether he was hostile or not, I couldn't have known.
He wore a large red coat, and a matching fur hat,
He waddled when he walked, for he was also quite fat.
His clothes were quite dirty, covered in ashes and soot,
His entire body was covered, from his head to his foot.
In a flash he turned 'round, and beelined for me,
Fearing for my life, I gave him an arrow to the knee.
He fell to the ground, grabbing at the wound,
"Stay thy hand," he said, "Please, I beg you!"
Cautiously I approached him, and gave him a Potion of Healing,
"Blech!" he said as he drank it, "The taste is not at all appealing!"
He rose to his feet once the wound had been healed,
"Please," he said, "let me tell you of my ordeal!"
"I have come to this land at the most inopportune time,
For this land seems terribly troubled, and now so am I!
There's a rebellion underway, and dragons soar in the skies,
Both the dragons and guards attack anything that flies!"
He pointed behind him, to a nearby hill,
Upon it were the corpses of reindeer, all freshly killed
"I started with nine reindeer when I took off from home,
Now there's nothing left but a pile of scorched bones."
"The guards took shots at me when I drew near the town,
Then the dragons swooped in and ran me into the ground.
They set fire to my reindeer before they could flee,
Then gobbled them up and picked their bones clean."
"I ask for your help," he said, "I must be off on my way,
If I don't continue my work, many children will be dismayed.
I have a sleigh full of toys, and must deliver them all tonight,
I have other lands to go to, and must be done by first light!"
I stood there bemused by the account of his plight,
As both he and his sleigh were a most interesting sight.
"I have an idea," I told him, "Although you might not approve,
Only one creature can help you, and it has neither antlers nor hooves."
He looked at me bewildered, then he figured it out,
His cries of disagreement were drowned out by my shout.
For a moment there was silence, nothing to see or to hear,
Then a roar could be heard as Odahviing drew near.
The fat man dropped to the ground as the dragon circled overhead,
"Are you mad!" he exclaimed, "Now we're as good as dead!"
But the dragon was not hostile, and soared down to the surface,
"I have answered your summons," he said. "How can I be of service?"
"This man needs our help," I said, as the man cautiously stood,
"Well, y-yes," He stammered, "I r-require y-your assistance, if you w-would..."
Odahviing stared intently at the man, who in turn stared straight at the ground,
"I w-would most a-appreciate it," he stuttered, "If y-you'd help me m-make my rounds."
Odahviing laughed vigorously, giving the man quite a start,
"If this is your wish, Dovahkiin," he said, "then I'll do my part!"
"You need not fear this dragon," I said to the man, "He'll bring you no harm.
He'll pull your sleigh tonight, taking you to every city, every town, every farm."
The man sighed with relief, and gave the dragon a bow,
"You have my thanks, adventurer," he said, "Now I can finish my rounds!"
He placed a harness on the dragon, and hopped into the sleigh,
And with a flap of Odahviing's wings they were well on their way.
I paused the game, and laughed at my screen,
Could that have actually happened, or was it only a dream?
I searched through the forums, the wiki, the guide,
Was it at all possible that I was out of my mind?
Un-pausing, I watched as they flew into the night,
The sleigh's outline silhouetted by the full moon's light.
Then the man turned in his seat, and shouted with a grin,
"A very Merry Christmas to all in the land of Skyrim!"
And there you have it! I was really torn between this one and what I like to call, "'Twas teh Night B4 Memesmas II", but I eventually settled on this one. Skyrim just came out a little over a month ago, so I felt that it was a bit more "with the times". Also, you all know as well as I do that I couldn't write anything about Skyrim without fitting the "Arrow to the knee" joke in there somewhere. Even if you don't play Skyrim, I hope you enjoyed this years parody of "'Twas the Night Before Christmas". I would also hope that you enjoyed it enough to keep an eye out for next years rendition. And to all of you, I wish you a very, Merry Christmas.
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